First Deployment - Day 1

I spent the last night with my husband before he deployed watching movies, cuddling on the couch, preparing and enjoying a homemade dinner (I told him to pick anything he wanted - and he picked ribs! he loves to grill so he ended up making an amazing dinner!), and falling asleep on his chest, listening to his heart beating. I will cherish those moments for the next six months. 4 am came way too quickly. I wanted to rewind time to the night before and press repeat over and over and over again. Saying goodbye this morning was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. We got there 15 minutes before he had to be on the ship. We held and kissed each other for awhile, told each other that everything was going to be fine and we could do this. He gathered up his things and as he and I gave our final kisses and turned to walk in separate directions I felt my heart being ripped from my chest. I got in my car and just cried, let it all go. It's the first time I have really let myself be upset and sad, I guess because I knew it was truly here. Not just a possibility of things to come. This. Was. Actually. Happening. I decided not to watch the ship pull away, or go on the ship with him like some other military spouses did. I felt like that would just have made things worse, and going on that ship with him and walking off without him would have been torture. I cried all the way home. I cried when I crawled back into bed. Then Kit came up and did something she always does when I cry - she came up and licked my tears away. I know, it sounds so gross, and maybe she is doing it just to get a taste of the salt. But for some reason it makes me feel better, almost like she knows how upset I am and how she is trying to tell me it will be okay. As I cuddled with her and the build-a-bear Matt and I made together almost three years ago, I felt suddenly calm. Like it hit me that everything really will be okay. 6 months just feels like a cloud looming over me, and it's hard to swallow that we'll be apart for that long. However in that moment I felt like I really could do this. Each day it will get easier, and as soon as I talk to Matt and hear that he is doing okay the sting of the situation will soon start to hurt less and less. Sure, I am still going to cry and sure I am still going to be sad - but maybe as time goes on it will get easier and easier. I have some amazing friends who's husbands are on this ship and I know together we can get through this. I am thankful for all of the kind words I have received this morning, it makes a world of difference.

Today my best friend is coming from NC. It's been almost 2 years since we've seen each other, and I am so happy that she is coming today to lessen the blow of this deployment. Natalie has been my best friend since kindergarten, and she is the type of friend that I can really let my guard down and cry and tell her how scared I am and she will be there to hear me out. No matter what. I appreciate that kind of friendship more than ever. We are going to see my family this weekend, so I have alot of things to look forward to. I just hope these moments keep on coming.

God Bless all the sailors who went out to sea today, keep them safe and bring them home to us soon. And God Bless the families who are supporting them from ashore. We can do this, ladies! <3